The Coaching Partnership

The coaching relationship is a partnership between two equals. My relationship with my protégé’s is based upon the belief that they are smart, mature, and capable people who want support in articulating and achieving their goals. It seems to me that I provide support in at least four basic ways.

1. I ask provocative questions! Important insight is gained from their responses, I often explore the answers—“Let’s unpack that,” I have been heard to say. This helps me to plan for the next steps in our relationship.

2. I see the Kidology Coaching Notebook as a collection of talking points to discuss: some familiar, some old and some new ideas that might be helpful for their leadership issues in Children’s ministry, long term. Sooner or later, all these areas show up in CM.

3. I am deliberate about giving counsel and information drawing upon my personal ministry experience, as well as, my work with others. I try to provide a variety of expertise and resources. Hopefully, this helps my protége’s avoid the mistakes that I, and others have made.

4. I provide the focus and structure of ongoing support needed to stay engaged in meaningful action. I celebrate my protégé’s successes, hold their hands through difficult periods, and act as a steward for the lives they most want. I am their partner, and my only agenda is their success.

After watching numerous hours of professional tennis, I have observed how the pros seem to be able to “adjust their game,” as their game develops. It is like they find “another gear” to raise the level of their performance. The opponent tries to a find a weakness to exploit. The defender raises their level of play to counter this attempt. When what they are doing fails to work, they make a correction to the game plan, while they are playing. This is a bit like trial and error, but it works. This reminds me of…

The battery-operated cars that I bought my grandsons. When to cars go forward and bump into something, it backs up and turns to go another direction. This process of trial and error allows the car to “self-correct” its direction when it encounters any obstacles.

As leaders we move forward in admin/leadership efforts until we encounter resistance, which should give us pause and encourage another attempt or response to rectify any opposition. This resistance has the role of forcing us to deal with realities on another level. We have to find another way. If we are doing something wrong, we have to deal with it, make an adjustment, try something else or “self correct.”

The only way we learn anything is always at someone else’s expense. After all, the church pays you for your expertise, but they also pay you to learn from your mistakes! The better you become at handling this adjustment, the better your leadership becomes. So you must make an effort to learn from everything you do as a leader. Learning to evaluate, think, assessing your situation and/or getting feedback on “what works” and “what does not work” is what “self correcting” is all about.

The more you practice “self correcting” the less others will attempt to correct you. Also the more you practice the faster you can adjust even while you are doing the work. As in tennis, sometimes the smallest adjustment can win the game, set, match. Finding “another gear” is what “self-correcting” is about.

The Role of Lingering

One of the ways to get return engagements is to “linger” after you finish your performance. Lingering is not “loitering” or wasting time, as in being lazy. It is rather, deliberately waiting, not rushing away.  It is involves making “yourself available” for something. For me, it is tarrying for some opportunity to minister and/or make some relational connection.

As a minister, it might mean being one of the last to leave. For me, it means remaining to allow opportunity for leaders, families and kids to approach me. Often when I stay longer, I experience the reason for my coming, quite beyond my platform ministry. This way you can allow for something to happen by not leaving too quickly. I am not suggesting that you become the last to leave, but rather, avoid being the first to leave, i.e., not speak and go! There are exceptions for this, but they should be that—exceptions.

I have used this lingering technique for many years. As soon as my performance is over, after I pack up, I try not to leave too quickly. I go back to the venue, look around, find people and greet them. I find it helpful to linger, not in any intrusive way. It can help you get feedback. People can ask you questions. You can make new contacts and begin new relationships. In general, be available and friendly to the people, you know, “meet and greet.”

Your promotion might get you the meetings, but it is your work on relationships that will bring you back. So lingering can become part of your marketing strategy. Those who invite speakers are more prone to invite you back once you create a relationship with them, particularly, if they like you and your ministry.

So when I am doing a camp, I will stay for the whole camp. Doing a VBS, I will attempt to be involved for the whole week, or the duration of the morning that I speak. If they have not made the invitation ahead of time, they might then, invite you to eat with them, especially the ethnic churches. This is good for relationship building. It is my policy to make room for this possibility. My wife might say, “When will you be back?” I usually say, “If they invite to eat with them, I will stay longer. I will call you and let you know!” I like to try their food and show genuine interest in them and their culture.

Somehow, I can see Jesus lingering to allow the children to come to Him. Try it, you might find that this lingering technique can work for you too.

Light Reveals and Shadows Define! Take a lesson from Photography, too much light is hot, too little light becomes drab, too much light has no shadows, proper balance of light and shadow defines the character of an object. Thus, adjusting your camera settings for proper balance renders any object interesting to observe or enjoyable to view. So what?

All leadership has some shadows. What makes us unique is our particular experience that casts a shadow on who we are and who we become. Our gifts, talents, skills and training all contribute to making us different and original. Our leadership then is like that “composite photo” of our positive and negative attributes. People need to see the light of who Jesus is in us, but they also will see the shadows of our humanness. But praise be to God, He uses us anyway.

Theme Programming is Still “HOT!” Dressing up in a costume, developing a character, or creating a set on the stage is still HOT. Check out a few Children’s Church programs and you will get the idea…creating a cool learning environment.

I was considered quite “odd” forty years ago, when I decided to wear a Barrel into a meeting to present the gospel to children. Well, I was “odd.” However, this barrel (worn) with a long tie became my “signature” outfit for all outreach programs. However, now theme programming is here to stay. Almost all publishing houses have produced VBS programs that require theme development. Over the years, I have collected a number of theme costumes to compliment these various themes. I probably have a dozen outfits now. Here is another one…

Yup, i became a Court Jester! Some of my protege’s are getting into these theme costumes too. Arline is quickly developing characters and outfits. Jenny just added her first Story Lady persona this last week. Nancy became a clown, Doug became a Chef, and there are more. So finding ways to make your program interesting and memorable is part of the fun. It is just short of being a clown, after all, which for some of you, might be the next step. You know, those in children’s ministry give new meaning to becoming a “Fool for Christ,” right? This is what the “experience economy” is all about in our culture. “Work is becoming theatre and your ministry is like a stage.”

You might want to consult this book: The Experience Economy (by Pine and Gilmore) for more current thinking in how businesses in our culture are working on a “theme” premise. This is a secular book, but it sure helps explain how great theme parks, many memorable restaurants, and some rather unique business plans work a theme. It is HOT in our culture too.

It is easy to be tempted to add some “marshmallow fluff” to our programs. Marshmallow Fluff is a real product, it has been around for almost a hundred years. It is made of marshmallows, kind of whipped into a cream. It is mostly air and sugar, not really much substance. It can be a fun additive to ice cream, or even a Hersey Bar and Graham Crackers sandwich, like a smore. You know, it’s like a topping, one of the the extra things you can add, that betrays your lack of substance.

This reminds me that we might want to  intentionally add to the quality and substance of our ministry to children. Instead, we add some sticky sugar, that is, just  being willing to help them occupy their time, to keep the kids busy doing the mediocre, rather than really adding something substantial, that counts. It is just too easy to add “a spoon full of fluff” for kids.

It is too easy to substitute fun, entertainment, games, silliness, trivia, and humor for Bible content, life application, discussion of questions about spiritual things, prayer, using the Bible,  or even  good worship music. This is not always easy to discern, but as you really look at your ministry are you willing to just “get by” with your ministry. Or are you willing to prayerfully evaluate what you are really doing that is substantive?  Why not add something that influences the children to make changes in their lives on a weekly basis? Hopefully, with your prayerful intervention there will be more “substance” than there is “fluff.”

Cutting Evangelism? I have noticed that when a church experiences financial troubles the first areas to get cut is evangelism and advertising. I see this as a impulse reaction. Instead of asking “how much?” We should rather ask, “who can we target to reach?”

We do know from Church growth studies that churches that target young families with young children seem to experience the fastest growth. So to cut back on “fishing” for young families with young children is counter-intuitive to me.

Rather than “cutting,” we should be “concentrating” on these target families even in hard times. These families represent giving units and the new building blocks for growth that have the potential to solve our financial crisis. Let’s double our efforts to reach families when things get tuff, plus they need our involvement too.

This Playground will be going to Gugurat, India

This Playground is going to the Disabled School in Kerala, India

Good News, two used playgrounds like the ones above were shipped to India on Wednesday, May 26^th.  The larger Playground will be built in Kidana Mission School in Gujarat, in northern India. The smaller playground will be built at the Disabled School in Thiruvalla, Kerala, in southern India. Both playground will be shipped into Cochin, in Kerala, and trucked to their appropriate places.

A Total of $44,500 was raised in two phases: the first $30,000 was raised 2 years ago and the later $14,500 was raised in May, 2010. This container also includes training materials for forty churches for a two-day training event. Each of these churches will receive enough curriculum to last for one-full year.

In addition to these playgrounds and training materials, they rest of the container was filled with 192 boxes of 24 Bibles to a box for a total of 4,608 Bibles for the people of India. Estimated value of all the items in this container, new, would be well over $100,000.

Once the container arrives in India, around mid July, it will begin a journey through customs and will be trucked to their appropriate destinations. A team is needed to travel to India that will be needed to build the both playgrounds in just over a week. We plan now to leave Los Angeles on Aug. 29^th and return around with weekend of the Sept. 11^th. We are looking for a team of 10-15 who might travel together to install these two playgrounds. The estimated cost for the whole trip is $3,500 each, with a portion used for in-country costs to prepare the ground for the playgrounds. All expenses, international flights, in-country flights, hotels, food, travel are included. A $500 deposit, is required to reserve a spot on the team.

This is a joint project under the auspices of Whittier Area Community Church and the Mission Agency Kids Around the World. Kids Around the World, who are based in Rockford, IL KAW have built over a hundred of these playgrounds around the world. This project includes two project leaders from KAW who will supervise the building of both play grounds, one will lead the two-day training event for the forty church leaders. Barney Kinard will be the team leader, who will prepare and coordinate the project with the mission work of Sathyam Ministries in India. The missionary that we will be working with and who overseas this Mission School is Chako Vadavana, or C.V. as he is known. CV is one of the missionaries that WACC supports.

In addition to the building of these playgrounds, we will be exposed to some of the variety of ministries that Sathyam Ministries are involved with throughout India. We will be learning about or visiting: Bible Distribution, Book Publishing, Disabled Schools, Church Planting, Orphanages, Seminary, Vocational Schools, Slum Ministries, Pastor’s Conferences, Evangelistic Work, Mission Schools and Relief Work, to name a few. We will visit the Headquarters of the Sathyam Ministries in Thiruvalla, Kerala, the largest Slums in the whole world in Mumbai (formerly Bombay). We plan to visit some slum churches before the team returns home.

Those interested in knowing more about either this project or the short-term mission trip on August 29^th to Sept. 11^th are encouraged to contact Rev. Barney Kinard, Kidhelper@gmail.com.

Finding Your Sweet Spot?

The term “sweet spot” often used in various sporting events to describe that place where the ball might be hit for the optimum results. For example, a ball hit on the end of the bat or near the handle might not produce optimum contact, but in between might be called the “sweet spot,” or in some cases 6 inches from the end.With most sports it tends to be in the “center,” as in a tennis racquet.

The term is now used in other fields to indicate any solution where competing factors produce a favored outcome between extremes, as in the tension of the rackets above.

There were moments in our ministry in India where the three of us, each operating in our preferred giftedness at the same time, it seemed to us, that we were in our optimum zone or “sweet spot.” It was true that when we each did what we do best, the outcome produced was just phenomenal. It was sweet! We were on target; we hit the spot!

So this makes me wonder if you have ever operated in your “sweet spot?” When you are doing what you do best, operating in your giftedness, you can experience the obvious blessing of God? Think about it, can you recall this ever happening to you? Finding your “sweet spot” in your ministry with children could be an exciting process.

Believe it or not I was very active in sports in High School. My athletic experience then was very interrupted with my Father’s moving career. I attended five schools in my last four years. So starting all over again, and again was my annual experience. I played football, basketball and track and I lettered in each sport. Proving myself and starting at the bottom and working my way back up to first string was a process. I was becoming used to this challenge with every new season of my experience.

I noticed that the Coach would “pull” a player from play and put them on the “bench.” As I reflect on those days, I too, was frequently benched, but there were many reasons for it. Just because you were “pulled” from the game, it was not always about being “benched,” which was always my first thought when I was pulled. I would always think I did something wrong. However, it was not always the case, I learned other things were going on. The more I observed the Coach, the more I observed being “pulled” was not always about my performance and would not always mean I would be sitting very long on the bench.

Here are a few reasons that  to come to mind why a Coach might “pull and/or bench” a player.”

1. The Coach might be working on some strategy to win and would change the players according to their ability to take advantage of something being observed from the opponent.

2. The Coach might just want to give other players some playing time, to keep them motivated for practice and experienced for future games, especially, if there was a winning cushion.

3. The Coach might be punishing the player for doing something wrong, like too many fouls, penalties or getting too aggressive, or “loosing it” on the field.

4. The Coach might just want to instruct or teach the player something during the game. It was part of an ongoing dialogue with Coach and the discussion might go to new level on the sideline.

5. The Coach might want to save the best players for the last push to win, if the game got close. So pulling them was saving them for later.

6. The Coach might pull a player who just got the wind knocked out of them or was hurt. Playing a hurt player might hurt them more.

7. The Coach just might want to give an exhausted player a break, to get some rest and recovery for the purpose of sending them back into the game refreshed to play harder on their next effort.

8. The Coach might be sending in plays or signals by replacing players. So this player was not benched, just exchanged briefly.

9. The Coach might be trying to counter what he observes the opponent attempting to do to his team, so replacing a player is strategic, like matching strength with strength.

10. The Coach was trying to motivate me to play harder, he would pull me, and send me back in at some key time with instruction as to what to do this time. You practice to get playing time, if you sit on the bench too much, you become eager to show the Coach what you can do. Most Coaches know this, so they work with your mind and passion. I remember going to the Coach and begging to be put back in the game, I was so motivated. He was waiting for my “heart” to catch up with my “mind.”

So being “Benched” is not always a bad thing. Often it is not just your limited view of your performance, but rather the Coach’s intentionally working with you to accomplish some greater good. The Coach has the bigger picture for us. Jesus is the Best Coach! Have you noticed that Jesus has used “benching” to work with your spiritual walk?