• Keeping Up with the Big Boys
Keeping Up with the Big Boys
My son Ken and his wife Jennifer have four children, ages 8, 6, 4 and 2. The youngest is the girl Geneva. Recently, when I was visiting them in Baltimore, we visited a playground in a park in Annapolis. MD. When it was time to leave we walked quite a way back to the car that was parked more than a 100 yards away. As we walked back I noticed that the closer we got to the car, the more spread out the boys were. Actually, they were walking in order from oldest to the youngest. And there was Geneva. She was trying her best, with those short chubby legs to keep up, she was still trailing dead last. Of course, I was there too, “bringing up the rear.” It was then, that I noticed just how hard she was working to keep up with her brothers. She was really…“trying to keep with the big boys,” I thought.
I began remembering just how small beginnings work again. When I started out in children’s ministry, I did not have much experience to bring to the table, just a lot of heart and desire to make a difference. I am sure that I was putting more effort than my progress required. I was working really hard, like a rocking chair, a lot of motion and activity, but dubious forward progress. As time went on, I found others who were trying to do what I was doing. Those with more experience and years of service “under their belt” became my models. I began to emulate what they were doing. These guys became the “Big Boys.” I was keeping up with the Big Boys.
Even now the Big Boys are still with us, you know, those national leaders who portend to be the spokesmen and women for our profession. They speak at the national conferences, write blogs and author books. They set the bar higher than our little legs can reach, but they are in front and we still try to catch up.
I have learned from their models, paradigms, and visions, but it is not about working harder, it is working smarter. I have stood on their shoulders. I have built successful programs. I have caught up to them over time. Now, I am not so small anymore. But, I am acutely aware, that for years, I was keeping up with the big boys, now I am one those Big Boys. Some are following me. It feels good.
Here are few of my observations about keeping up with the Big Boys:
• Resolved: NO Resolutions!
Resolved: No Resolutions!
It seems our society places some emphasis on New Year’s resolutions! However, in my experience, most these idle plans are not well thought through and do not really last, but for a few week into the New Year. I think of resolutions as temporary, not fixed, so we tend to loose them, when we get busy. Often our resolutions just lead to frustration, guilt and depression. We might be resolving the same thing for several years running with no real progress forward.
Six Reasons for NO Resolutions
- Resolutions tend to be a To Do List for the first week of January.
- Resolutions are not effective for the Procrastinator
- Resolution Lists tend to get lost.
- Resolutions are too easily renegotiated with new information as the time passes.
- Resolutions can break down because of low self-esteem loss of resolve.
- Resolutions give you more to track, when broken you can have more free time.
My Resolution Challenge:
I would challenge you to Focus on making your resolution that this year you will not make any resolutions. It would be better to focus on smaller attainable Goals, not resolutions. So try working on some new goals, ones that have the potential to move your ministry forward and up to another level. Therefore, consider formulating some really well conceived goals, ones that are thought through and written out, as you have been learning. It is better to have a few well-conceived goals than to have many illegitimate-shallow wishes—ones that are too soon abandoned.
I tend to plan annual goals and break them into monthly goals during this time of the year. I usually use the holiday, between Christmas and New Year’s, to reflect on how my previous year’s goals have gone and what I would really like to accomplish for the New Year. I find myself asking God for a new vision for the year. Then I break it down into monthly goals and write those down in a monitoring form, for quick reference, for a glance to measure how I am doing. Inviting someone to keep you accountable also helps you stay the course.
For example: Read 12 books this year, averaging one a month. Write 12 object lesson routines this year, averaging one a month. Write 12 one page articles about some aspect of children’s ministry for my teachers this year. See what you can come up with this year that takes many smaller deliberate attainable goals that you repeat and be successful. This will help you move forward and step up in some new and fresh ways.
• Traveling With a Yokefellow
Traveling with a Yokefellow?
One of my Coaching Students was trying to use a metaphor to explain my relationship with her. “The image of an oxen yoke comes to mind, which to me explains how you have yoked yourself into a relationship with me and my children’s ministry. It is like you came along side to help me.”
I began thinking about this Oxen Yoke metaphor and how it relates to our coaching experience. It seems to me that she was describing how two people can be joined together for some common cause, one might be setting the pace for the other, but working together to arrive at a predetermined destination.
Kidology Coaching is just that, a partnership, with one more experienced leader coming along side another less experienced leader. Together they can create an active and collaborative relationship working together to accomplish the client’s aspirations. Coaching is a powerful relationship for people wanting to make changes in their life and work.
This relationship requires two things: a commitment to help and a commitment to learn. The commitment to help comes from the coach’s expertise of having been in the trenches and his need to give back and make a difference. The commitment to learn comes from a protégé’s dissatisfaction with how things have worked alone. Add some humility to reveal those needs, coupled with a willingness to try to move forward and step up, with help, makes things happen.
Many leaders are not confident or have enough expertise to accomplish the ministry alone. Children’s Ministry done right, is complicated and complex. It’s more than a job. It’s more than being a program coordinator. It’s a full-blown ministry. Protégé’s who recognize their deficiency and are willing to attach themselves to a veteran, who will provide a helping companionship stand a better chance of accomplishing their goals.
There is something almost magical about having a more studied approach to ministry.
Here are a few observations that allow this partnership to work.
- A willingness to discuss one’s process—the good and the not so good thinking and planning.
- A willingness to show your work. I get to review all her written materials, which allows me to make comment and suggest improvements.
- Willingness to try what the Coach suggests, even though there is some uncertainty in trying something new.
- Staying in the process, working the relationship via long distances.
- It takes longer, than doing your process by yourself. But if you work farther ahead, you end up with a better effort—that works.
- The yoke can hurt, but the process would hurt more without the help on the other side to assist.
- Two are better than one, for they have a good reward for their labor.
Barrowing courage and strength from the other side of the yoke—Coaching just Works! Just imagine how a coaching partnership could work for you!
• “You Kept Me From Drowning!”
The Life Saver
It’s really scary to be, in over your head, in rough and deep uncharted waters. The frantic efforts to preserve life when taking in water, thrashing about, scared and panicked about what’s next.
Managing to gasp for breath, while trying to stay afloat, is overwhelming. Going down for the third time, imagining the end is near! In situations like this, one feels really alone and helpless.
That was the situation with one of my students, who admitted, “You saved my life. I was drowning and I was getting pretty scared. You threw me a life ring of safety. You are like a lifesaver to me.” A life preserver was thrown her way and she desperately grabbed it and held on tight. It worked! Things are different now since we pulled her out of the tumultuous deep. She was floundering, but no more! She was rescued and pulled safely ashore. We spent some quality time debriefing—understanding her plight! She was not alone anymore.
We began restructuring her ministry process. Now she is more organized. She is more excited about ministry. She even goes back into deep water, to test the waters. She is more prepared now. She is swimming again and is not afraid of the water. She is using the “buddy system” with her coach, checking in.
Now there is more clarity to her vision. She made some critical adjustments navigating some rocky hazards. With some new insights and skills, she resolved to chart a new course. She was ready to embark on a whole new adventure. This time, when she ventures into deep waters, she has a plan and she is not alone.
What made the difference in her journey? It was the Life Guard, who was the lifesaver here. This too, is the role of a Kidology Coach—a wise vigilant, experienced leader who rescues those who want the help. Another potential ministry casualty was rescued!
Coaching Works! “Imagine how a how a life-saving intervention could change your direction.” Another Kidmin saved from drowning!
• Rescued By A Tow Truck
Rescued By A Tow Truck
“Looking back, how would you describe your experience getting into Coaching?” I queried my graduating student. “Well, I clearly felt like I was stuck, just spinning my wheels. I could not make any forward progress. I was feeling trapped and digging in deeper with everything I was trying!”It was clear that what got this student this far, was not going to help her to move on to a new place. She was just stuck! She needed the rescue from a Tow Truck!
I have been reflecting upon this metaphor trying to understand how this happens. My student started out her position just running programs, it was more like a job. However, over time, it became more than a job, it became ministry, which she was prepared for, but with much less experience. The things that worked, she continued doing over and over again. Finally, her familiar ways no longer worked. Instead of recalibrating, she poured more effort into doing the same things, even harder. She was totally unaware that small forward motion was actually making her sinking deeper. Now she was stuck. It was time for some intervention—A tow truck was needed.
The problem with repetitive effort is that you think you can, by trying harder, just extricate yourself and move on. However, doing the same thing harder does not always produce different results. She needed a complete paradigm shift—some way to get some traction and some proactive forward motion.
We call this moving forward and stepping up. It is not enough to keep moving forward, when what is needed is effort to take another step up. It is a call to discipline that provides us with the platform to make the adjustments needed to improve and change. The more aware we are of the road conditions the more we can avoid these unproductive ruts for spinning our wheels.
Having a studied approach to ministry is not just having your leadership wheels on the ground moving forward. It is possible to stay in the rut and keep moving forward slowly. A studied approach to ministry also means your leadership rises to higher ground. That is why “stepping up” matters. Spinning one’s leadership wheels may not get you where you want to go. This expends too much effort and becomes frustrating when you bog down.
Coaching Works! Imagine how an intervention from a tow truck can not only move you forward, but provide you with solid ground for ministry traction again. There is hope for those stuck in ministry, but it might take some outside help. This is the story of another sidelined Kidmin rescued and put back on the road again. What an adventure she is having now with this new grip on the road and a map in her hand.
“What got you here, will not get you there!” Marshall Goldsmith
• A Light in the Fog
A Bright Light in a Foggy Night
Fog has a way of engulfing the visible rendering it invisible. Normally, a Lighthouse is useful at night when visibility is diminished. Then you add fog in the night and you have a hazardous condition for navigating any coastal waters. Lighthouses have been strategically constructed all along rugged coastlines to provide direction and warning of dangerous conditions for mariners at sea. Many a seaman has been helped by such a focused source of light that can provide just enough “glow in the haze” to provide some sense of direction. Of course, it shines even brighter when as the fog begins to lift.
A graduate student paid me this compliment regarding my coaching her in Children’s Ministry. “You were like a bright light in a night fog for me?”
This caused me to think. Would it be possible that conditions would be such that a leader could feel so unprepared for children’s ministry? Could someone be so overwhelmed with a sense of duty that they could just loose their way—like a ship on a foggy night? Yes, I have seen it happen. Such was the case with my student.
She was not sure what to do, not being specifically trained or prepared for her new ministry, but fully trying, as best she could, not able to see clearly very far ahead. She was feeling really alone with none to help her. She seemed clueless, no clear vision of where she was going—she was in a fog.
It was about this time, that she secured the Kidology Coaching Program and we began working together. Then there was this beam of focused light that peered through the haze, faint at first, but clearer, as distance got closer to the source.
Even the reflected light in the foggy haze brought some hope and direction. Then the fog lifted!
Now there was more clarity to her vision. She made some quick critical adjustments and navigated the rocky hazards. The shipwreck was averted in troubled waters.
With some new insights and skills, she resolved to chart a new course. She embarked on a whole new adventure. At first, she moved with less risk in shallower waters. But soon, she was venturing into deeper waters again, but with a plan. She was not alone!
What made the difference in her journey? It was the Lighthouse! That faithful focused beam of light in the darkness that provided just enough guidance for course adjustment. Another ministry casualty was rescued!
Coaching Works…“Imagine how a focused beam of coaching light can encourage a new direction with proven strategies to help one avert shipwreck.”
• Running On Empty?
Running On Empty?
Have you ever run out of gas? I must confess that I have several times! Once I exhausted my supply on the way into the driveway of the service station. I pushed the car into the pumps for relief. And I have walked a few miles only to walk back with a gallon of gas, to make it further on my journey. These moments are instructive, there is always some good reason, but the result is the same—running out of gas can be a costly risk.
I began thinking about this metaphor and how it relates to leadership. We can be so busy caring for others that we neglect ourselves. It is easy to take exhaustive chances with our own body that we neglect proper eating, enough sleep or even rest and relaxation. What is it like not to read, write, meditate and pray? We can neglect the things that rightly keep us going or we can choose to renew the vigor and vitality of our ministry. Running on empty is a crisis waiting to happen. Sooner or later, we are running on mere fumes with nothing left in the tank! What are the things that replenish our exhausted efforts? Would it be eating, sleeping, a shower, traveling, day at the beach, shopping, laughter, reading a book, working on a hobby or just doing nothing?
Coaching can involve a process whereby you might just have to recalibrate your personal life to match the rigors of your ministry leadership. One is related to the other. This issue comes up when a protégé asks questions about “needing balance.” How can one balance family and ministry? If you are an “all or nothing” kind of leader, this is a really serious question, because too much of any one thing, excludes other important things, that can too easily pile up to become the next demanding crisis.
Here are some red-light indicators that you might be “Running on Empty?
- You might not be getting enough sleep. You are always tired.
- Eating too quickly, on the run, on the go. You do not really enjoy some conversation over a meal.
- You have no time for friends, just to hang out, watch a movie, or eat out.
- You have little time for hobbies, interests or fun. It is all work.
- You seem driven, like you have to be doing something all the time.
- You feel guilty, if you are not doing something productive, like your “To Do” List.
- You have not enjoyed a date night with your mate in weeks, too busy!
- You bring your work home with you, and fuss with those who want any kind of time with you. You feel they are interrupting your agenda.
- You have given up reading a book all the way through. You cannot sit still to absorb the thoughts of others.
- You have not had either a day off or a day away in a long time, months?
All these and more are red-light warnings that your fuel gauge is getting low and you are “running on empty.” Fuel up!
• Peanut’s Pumpkin Carols
Peanut’s Pumpkin Carols
Our Adult Sunday School Class sponsored a Great Pumpkin Party this month. One of the things we did there was to sing some of the old Peanut’s Pumpkin Carols from the book: The Peanuts Book of Pumpkin Carols (you can buy it from Amazon. com). The words are all sung to familiar Christmas Carols. Can you figure them out?
I am posting some of them for my followers to use!
DECK THE PATCH
Deck the patch with orange and black,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Take along your goody sack,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our gay apparel,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Troll the ancient Pumpkin carol,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
See the Great One rise before us,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
As we sing the Pumpkin chorus,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Follow him as he ascends,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Join with true Great Pumpkin friends,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
GREAT PUMPKIN IS COMING TO TOWN
Oh, you better not shriek,
You better not groan,
You better not howl,
You better not moan,
Great Pumpkin is comin’ to town!
He’s going to find out,
From folks that he meets,
Who deserves tricks,
And who deserves treats,
Great Pumpkin is comin’ to town!
He’ll search in every pumpkin patch,
Haunted houses far and near,
To see if you’ve been spreading gloom,
Or bringing lots of cheer.
So, you better not shriek,
You better not groan,
You better not howl,
You better not moan,
Great Pumpkin is comin’ to town!
• Use Utility-Magic Tricks
Use Utility-Magic Tricks
One of the problems that children’s leaders have with gospel magic is buying magic that only has a “one time” use. Because they have the same audience every week, they cannot use the effect again, right away. This being the case, there is some pull back about spending too much on a “one use” item.
One solution for the “one-time” trick is Utility Magic. This type of magic apparatus is really a combination of a vanish/production effect—two in one! It should be added that any destroyed item can be restored with this combination vanish and production effect.
What follows is suggested collection of standard tricks that I call Utility Magic that has multiple uses for the same audience.
1. Square Circle! There are several varieties of this classic effect. Basically it is square box (with no top or bottom) that covers a cylinder. Take the square off of the cylinder, show it empty and return it. Take the cylinder out of the box, show it empty, then return it.
2. Change Bag! This also is a classic effect that will allow you unzip the bag to show the bag empty, then put something into it, and take something else out. By showing the bag empty, the first things have vanished. A change bag is a great way to exchange, vanish, or reproduce any item. You can do all kinds of tricks and routines.
3. Dove Pan! Remove the lid, show the pan empty, put something inside, put the lid back on. Remove the lid, now something else appears, maybe a dove! The original item has been replaced!
4. Take Apart Magic Box! It is a colorful box that the performer takes something out of the box and then places something else inside (a small object) and it “magically” disappear! To prove that it’s vanished, the box is then disassembled in front of the audience.
5. Mirror Box Production Box This is a classic production prop, they come in a variety of sizes and colors. It has a hidden compartment to be used for vanishing or producing almost any object or small animal. It has a slanted mirror camouflaged by the inside of the box, which conceals and hides the loads.
6. Massal Tube! A colorful prop that seems as innocent as a rolled up piece of paper. But, after showing your audience the “inside” and “outside” you can quickly produce multiple silks, streamers, or more. This high-quality tube is suitable for vanishes, productions, color changes and more.
7. Switch Can! A nice apparatus that appears perfectly innocent, yet it can be used for vanishing, producing, or exchanging items merely by adding or removing the cover from a can.
I recommend these utility props, because by changing the number of items you vanish and produce you can increase your message options.
Contact Mike LaFond from www.kidhelperresources.com to arrange securing some of these Utility illusions.
• Care, Beyond Compare!
Care, Beyond Compare
To create a caring paradigm in children’s ministry has to come from the Children’s Pastor in concert with their leadership team. When the leader creates that kind of caring atmosphere among the teachers it gives permission for quality of care to trickle down like rain on the children. This is rare, but I have met a few of these pure caregiving leaders who really work at relating to each other on a deeper level. I believe it is possible to strive for creating this unique paradigm.
Here are some of my Ten Observations that can make this caring paradigm work—beyond compare. It requires a relational leader!
- It needs an open, responsive, warm and caring leader, who models this kind of care. Be a relational Kidmin who trains volunteers to be skilled in demonstrating care for each other.
- It has a committed core of leaders! The synergism of this caring group of leaders is a core of committed caregivers. They become the driving force to maintain this caring culture.
- It is caring deeply! They care deeply for one another. There seems to be a deep-bond forged in problems, but solved with mature and open relational skills and regular prayer.
- It demonstrates love! One can experience the intense feeling of love among the leadership team. I wrote about this phenomenon. See The Volunteer Benefit Package.
- It requires communication! I have observed a distinct pattern of short, but frequent talk, a kind of lingering for one another. This communication involves checking in, phoning, texting, notes, Facebook, huddles, meetings, emails, and talking for the sole purpose of caring.
- It is defining! Clearly, this sets two equal churches apart, one with this caring paradigm and the other one without. Everything being the same, this church culture is clearly a cut above—another level, for sure.
- It takes time! To create this level of trust and support time is needed to grow a culture of care among leaders. It takes patience to establish this goal.
- It is confusing! Not all staff really under stand this level of care and support generated by children’s leaders. It is a deeply caring partnership—a deeper fellowship.
- It is magnetic! I have seen recruiting done in this caring environment, and it is dynamic. People are drawn to the leadership, almost begging to be a part of this caring-group experience.
- It is serving one another! The group tends to linger for one another, like they want to spend time together. Everyone is just poised to find ways to be involved with one another.
Care for children is the by-product. The quality of care handed down to children by caring leaders like this is just Awesome! See The Kid-Helper Credo. Clearly, this culture commands the admiration of people of quality. It is compelling! It is caring—beyond compare!
(Inspired by the Kid-Care Pro)
